For What It's Worth

Today I went to Lions Nursing Home. Organized by CPA Club.

The experience I had there is beyond words. I visited another Old Folks Home before called Home of Peace. But the experience I had there was really different compared to what I experienced at the Lions Home.

The first thing I did was the usual thing that Volunteers do. Cleaning up and etc. This needs no further explanation.

The thing that had a huge impact on me the most is the feeding the Grandma moments and pushing the wheelchair moments. I've been having flashbacks on what I did today. This will be my very honest feelings so please excuse me if you find anything I say offensive or heartless. I also must remind you that I am no angel.

When I fed the Grandma today, which is kolok mee by the way, I remembered thinking "oh dear, so hard to cut this noodle. And why not I get to feed rice or something?" And then I got annoyed and incredibly angry with myself.

My good side went "What on earth are you thinking?! How can you be so utterly heartless, Amanda?! Have you no feelings? Do you have any idea what it's like to be in the Grandma's shoes? To be so helpless and frustrated because you want to do things yourself but can't cos you have to depend on others. "

I am a selfish person. No doubt about that. It's a good thing I have my conscience to remind myself why am I doing this. It's for Charity and to show them our love.

I also remember getting super frustrated because I can't understand what the Grandma is talking about. I end up answering yes to everything the Grandma says. Gosh! T_____T What if I said yes to something negative she said about herself? :( HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?!

I'm supposed to feel good after doing this Charity work but for some reasons, I feel guilty. My selfish side is damn shameful and 100% incredibly spiteful! Being human is stupid sometimes. Seriously!

I saw the others going outside since the other grandmas don't need help feeding them. After I finished feeding the first grandma, I tried talking to her. I offered to bring her more water since she finished hers quite fast. I couldn't leave the Grandma No.1 so I stayed back and tried to talk to her again despite the fact that I barely understand what is she saying. :(

The second grandma, I didn't finish feeding her because the bus came and I have to go home. I remembered seeing one of my friends who haven't finish feeding one of the Grandma and continued on feeding her. She didn't mind staying back to feed her and follow other CPA member back. I salute her. I really do. I didn't do that. I walked away instead. And that is one of the shameful things that I did. I wished now that I continued on feeding her but of course, it's too late. I walked away because I really needed to go to the toilet badly and there, as you can see, once again, the selfish me. It's a downright embarassing and deceitful act.

It's all in the past now. What has happened today. What I did today. I wish I could turn back time. To change all things that needs to be changed. To help the grandmas and grandpas as much as I can.

There is one thing that I really enjoyed doing though. The singing and trying to cheer up the grandmas and grandpas. I was really happy to see that one of the grandma smiling widely at us as we sing. :D

Oh yea, one of the grandma is a Roman Catholic and she started singing one of our church songs and halfway through her singing, she started crying. It was depressing yet truly saddening to see her in that way. And she mentioned something about dying. I had no idea how to react. I was speechless. I remembered hating her children though. But perhaps I shouldn't really blame them. I need not be so judgemental.

Nevertheless, despite all of this, I think this was a very meaningful experience for me. From now on, I'm going to learn to be more selfless, to be more considerate of others. I hope I get another chance to go to the Nursing Home again. I want to do things correctly next time. I will even dance for them to cheer them up. I don't care how stupid I will look.

For what it's worth, I sincerely hope that I will be given the chance again to be able to give the Grandma and Grandpas all the love and care in this world.

Final Year

Ok obviously I quit the 30 days challenge. lol. I'm way to busy to blog about that.

I have no actual things to blog about. I want to complain about my workload but then that'll bore you cos Uni Life is rather routine like. Everything is the same. Tutorials, Assignments and more work. :(

Well it's already the mid-term break so I finally have "some" time to blog. Actually I should start working on my assignments but sigh. yeah. I wanna rest first. It has been a loooonnng week! T__T My exams was SUPER tough. I just wish that just once I will say that my exam is okay. Just once. Cos I realised I never said it's easy.

So as most of you know I have a subject this semester that requires me to blog. When my friends told me we are to blog I thought "oh really?! Awesome!!" That's what I thought to myself. I wasn't very worried cos I love to write and I have a blog and all that. But I was so wrong! I can sit in front of the laptop for hours and have no ideas how to start. :( I will have ideas flowing through my head but no idea how to start. For some reasons, the introduction is crucial cos it attracts readers to read. So yea, that's why I spent hours thinking how to start.

I can't seem to write any "intellectual" kind of posts. I think whether this is because throughout my school years, for my English essays, I will always write stories and not the kind that requires points. You know, the kind of essays that goes:

The school has been facing problem with students who "play truant". Explain the reasons caused by this and how the school can solve this issue.

I always have trouble selecting this kind of question because I will have no ideas and I will always opt for the one that requires me to write a story. If I did attempt such question, I would get lower grades that I will get for writing stories. :/ So most of the time I pray hard that my teacher will give a question that requires us to write stories. :P

There's also one thing that my school teachers used to ask us to do when in Secondary School. And that is summarise. I'm VERY BAD at summarising. lol. I like to write things in detail. No idea why but I do. I'm still learning how to NOT write a whole lot of junk in my work. I think it's also useful for paraphrasing when I come to Uni. The whole no plagiarism rule so yea, that's important.

Ok why am I writing about this. Perhaps it's the aftermath of writing my blog entry. I think I won't get a good grade this time. I don't even know if I fulfilled the requirements of the blog entry.

My blog post shall end abruptly cos I don't know how to end it. lol.