20th January

Twentieth of January 2012

The date I found out I've finally got through my 3 years of University Life.

It marks the end of my journey as a student and off to the working world.

The Learning Process never stops however.

Because I have to prepare myself to learn to face more challenges ahead.

Challenges I'm suddenly ready to face as soon as I found out I passed all subjects.

It gave me the confidence that I can do this. Come what may.

Oh I know, I've so many things to learn.

Learn to cope with stress, pressure, be more optimistic and controlling my emotions.

To learn to not care too much because a good friend of mine once told me, don't bother thinking too much. What's the point right? :)

As much as I love University Life,

I know I must go on with the next chapter. ;)

Now I have to learn to let go of the past and embrace the future.

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I won't expect you to be good to me so...

Accounting & Auditing world. Here I come!

Two Four

And, finally, I'm 24 years old. Not embarassed at all. Come on, let's face reality. We all get old eventually. I should quit denying it despite the fact that I don't like it.

Ah yes, the age I should graduate from University.

The age I should learn to be more grown up.

The age I should stop playing the sims social hah! Not a chance. LOL! :P Sorry, I still love that game too much to stop. Well, unless I'm too busy with my work then what choice have I got.

The age I should get my driving license T___T Gosh so embarassing! I should have gotten a driving license AGES ago!

The age I should learn to improve on my weaknesses.

The age I should learn not to expect too much in order to avoid disappointment (Yes, I'm such a coward :S )

The age I should learn to overcome stress and not let stress 'overcome' me.

And most importantly, the age I will leave my youth years behind me and prepare to work. T_T

Where will the future take me, I don't know. I'm as scared as hell but what can I do, I've got to face it one way or another. I'm not ready to be honest. But if I wait till the day I'm ready, I don't think that day will ever come. . So I better just face it when it's time to face it. I'm going to go for my very first interview on 16th of January. No matter what, I must be prepared for it. I don't want to end up totally clueless and stutter when I answer the questions. Please God, guide me through it. I put all my trust in You. Amen.

In a blink of an eye

In a blink of an eye, time pasts faster than we know it, faster than we want it to.

In a blink of an eye, we are sucked into the adult world.

In a blink of an eye, we worry about our future, what will become of us, what will happen.

In a blink of an eye, we realised our parents are getting older and it's time for us to act and be more grown up than before.

In a blink of an eye, a lot of things happen around me and makes me wonder why it happens. Yet, it makes all the changes in me. It has in fact, made me stronger. I need to be stronger to take care of my parents, to take care of my brother.

In a blink of an eye, I would graduate soon and see what awaits in the days/months/years ahead.

In a blink of an eye, I would see the world differently than how I see it before I graduate.

In a blink of an eye, I find myself growing up and wishing it would stop because adulthood is so much more harder than I've ever imagine. I have not even finish my University Life yet I felt that I should be an adult now. And yes, albeit the fact that I AM an adult already since I've in University now.

In a blink of an eye, I would be making serious, drastic, life changing decisions.

Am I ready for these? Honestly the thoughts scares me. Every piece of my bone, every piece of my organs - I'm scared. Every single part of me.

The responsibility as a elder sister to my brother, the responsibility as a sister, the responsibility as a daughter, a responsibility as a friend and if there's a possibility, the responsibility as a girlfriend/wife - Am I ready for all these?

Am
I
ready?

For What It's Worth

Today I went to Lions Nursing Home. Organized by CPA Club.

The experience I had there is beyond words. I visited another Old Folks Home before called Home of Peace. But the experience I had there was really different compared to what I experienced at the Lions Home.

The first thing I did was the usual thing that Volunteers do. Cleaning up and etc. This needs no further explanation.

The thing that had a huge impact on me the most is the feeding the Grandma moments and pushing the wheelchair moments. I've been having flashbacks on what I did today. This will be my very honest feelings so please excuse me if you find anything I say offensive or heartless. I also must remind you that I am no angel.

When I fed the Grandma today, which is kolok mee by the way, I remembered thinking "oh dear, so hard to cut this noodle. And why not I get to feed rice or something?" And then I got annoyed and incredibly angry with myself.

My good side went "What on earth are you thinking?! How can you be so utterly heartless, Amanda?! Have you no feelings? Do you have any idea what it's like to be in the Grandma's shoes? To be so helpless and frustrated because you want to do things yourself but can't cos you have to depend on others. "

I am a selfish person. No doubt about that. It's a good thing I have my conscience to remind myself why am I doing this. It's for Charity and to show them our love.

I also remember getting super frustrated because I can't understand what the Grandma is talking about. I end up answering yes to everything the Grandma says. Gosh! T_____T What if I said yes to something negative she said about herself? :( HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?!

I'm supposed to feel good after doing this Charity work but for some reasons, I feel guilty. My selfish side is damn shameful and 100% incredibly spiteful! Being human is stupid sometimes. Seriously!

I saw the others going outside since the other grandmas don't need help feeding them. After I finished feeding the first grandma, I tried talking to her. I offered to bring her more water since she finished hers quite fast. I couldn't leave the Grandma No.1 so I stayed back and tried to talk to her again despite the fact that I barely understand what is she saying. :(

The second grandma, I didn't finish feeding her because the bus came and I have to go home. I remembered seeing one of my friends who haven't finish feeding one of the Grandma and continued on feeding her. She didn't mind staying back to feed her and follow other CPA member back. I salute her. I really do. I didn't do that. I walked away instead. And that is one of the shameful things that I did. I wished now that I continued on feeding her but of course, it's too late. I walked away because I really needed to go to the toilet badly and there, as you can see, once again, the selfish me. It's a downright embarassing and deceitful act.

It's all in the past now. What has happened today. What I did today. I wish I could turn back time. To change all things that needs to be changed. To help the grandmas and grandpas as much as I can.

There is one thing that I really enjoyed doing though. The singing and trying to cheer up the grandmas and grandpas. I was really happy to see that one of the grandma smiling widely at us as we sing. :D

Oh yea, one of the grandma is a Roman Catholic and she started singing one of our church songs and halfway through her singing, she started crying. It was depressing yet truly saddening to see her in that way. And she mentioned something about dying. I had no idea how to react. I was speechless. I remembered hating her children though. But perhaps I shouldn't really blame them. I need not be so judgemental.

Nevertheless, despite all of this, I think this was a very meaningful experience for me. From now on, I'm going to learn to be more selfless, to be more considerate of others. I hope I get another chance to go to the Nursing Home again. I want to do things correctly next time. I will even dance for them to cheer them up. I don't care how stupid I will look.

For what it's worth, I sincerely hope that I will be given the chance again to be able to give the Grandma and Grandpas all the love and care in this world.

Final Year

Ok obviously I quit the 30 days challenge. lol. I'm way to busy to blog about that.

I have no actual things to blog about. I want to complain about my workload but then that'll bore you cos Uni Life is rather routine like. Everything is the same. Tutorials, Assignments and more work. :(

Well it's already the mid-term break so I finally have "some" time to blog. Actually I should start working on my assignments but sigh. yeah. I wanna rest first. It has been a loooonnng week! T__T My exams was SUPER tough. I just wish that just once I will say that my exam is okay. Just once. Cos I realised I never said it's easy.

So as most of you know I have a subject this semester that requires me to blog. When my friends told me we are to blog I thought "oh really?! Awesome!!" That's what I thought to myself. I wasn't very worried cos I love to write and I have a blog and all that. But I was so wrong! I can sit in front of the laptop for hours and have no ideas how to start. :( I will have ideas flowing through my head but no idea how to start. For some reasons, the introduction is crucial cos it attracts readers to read. So yea, that's why I spent hours thinking how to start.

I can't seem to write any "intellectual" kind of posts. I think whether this is because throughout my school years, for my English essays, I will always write stories and not the kind that requires points. You know, the kind of essays that goes:

The school has been facing problem with students who "play truant". Explain the reasons caused by this and how the school can solve this issue.

I always have trouble selecting this kind of question because I will have no ideas and I will always opt for the one that requires me to write a story. If I did attempt such question, I would get lower grades that I will get for writing stories. :/ So most of the time I pray hard that my teacher will give a question that requires us to write stories. :P

There's also one thing that my school teachers used to ask us to do when in Secondary School. And that is summarise. I'm VERY BAD at summarising. lol. I like to write things in detail. No idea why but I do. I'm still learning how to NOT write a whole lot of junk in my work. I think it's also useful for paraphrasing when I come to Uni. The whole no plagiarism rule so yea, that's important.

Ok why am I writing about this. Perhaps it's the aftermath of writing my blog entry. I think I won't get a good grade this time. I don't even know if I fulfilled the requirements of the blog entry.

My blog post shall end abruptly cos I don't know how to end it. lol.

Be Inspired!

'Cos I know I was inspired when I watch this video. ;)

Okay honestly, I will admit that I didn't like her at first maybe because she have that 'i-like-to-act-cute' aura which somehow I don't really like, but i grew to like her in time because of her personality!

Anyways, I hope I can be like her. She's another youtube persona that I found one day and then today I saw this super inspirational video and yea, I know I must share it with you all so here it is. =D

Whether 2010 was good for you or not, we now have 2011 in front of us. Leave all of the bad baggage behind. If you haven't already; its time to live for the future and not the past.-Lindi Tsang-

Very often in life we are driven by many different factors that delays/prevents us from being happy. One common factor that can drive us is 'Resentment'.-Lindi Tsang-

Changes

We all need a few changes in our life...

#1. Change Blogskin to a more mature look
#2. Be less forgetful
#3. Aim for better grades my new semester
#4. Find a nicer blog title - this new one sounds bit hmm, i'm just not that satisfied with the new one.
#5. Hopes to find a nicer blog template.
#6. I will be less stubborn, I hope!
#7. I will take better care of myself.
#8. Be happy-go-lucky again
#9. Quit being lazy and study hard!
#10. Be less messy, so as to not drive my roommate crazy. Hey! that rhymes! :P


And I believe there will be many more to come...

The experience that I get from travelling to the UK has open up my eyes to many, many things. This is why they say, exposure is very important. Oh hey, just because I've been to the UK doesn't mean I know everything already. I don't mean that really. But it has changed me in many ways, though how it does that, I don't know how to explain it. When I know it, I'll tell you. =) Otherwise, you can think about it. Hehe!

So my blog is currently under renovation. Hence the ugly state it's in now.

Que Sera Sera

I got my results today.

It was as expected. I didn't do as well as I did in the 1st semester cos at least for 1st semester I got a Distinction.

I'm kinda disappointed with my O & M grade though. I spent most of my time studying for it till i disregard my FIS. I end up with just a Pass for O & M. I guess it's expected seeing that I did last minute studying for it too.

I won't give more details on my results. If you wanna know then ask me personally.

Got to pull up my socks for the coming new semester. No more playing. I will be more serious in studying this time. That is what I vow to do. It's time that I should fully accept that this is the course I'm stuck with. Love it, Hate it. I must do better, no matter what.

No use regretting now. No use crying over spilled milk. It won't change what has happened. Que Sera Sera, everyone, Que Sera Sera...

I'm a changed person now. Or at least that is what I hope.

Tomorrow will be a better day. That is what I hope too.

P.S: Oh I would also like to advise those students who are taking Diploma, to email the Uni NOW if you want to get your results earlier. I emailed the uni as soon as I read the announcement on the Blackboard (with the excuse saying that I'm not in Kuching to collect the results). I guess that is why I'm among the first few who got their results already. :S

*Alarmed Look*

I just realised something.

In 6 days (yes, 6 days. It's actually already 17 July now.), I will face my Final Exams Results ( It'll be out on 22 July). *gulps*

T__________________________________T

I'm thinking negatively about my results now. And I hate that. I want to feel confident about how I did in my exams but I can't. I simply can't.

What if i fail 2 modules?! I think... I will cry non-stop that day. Trust me, I will. And then I will proceed to hate myself even more and then let the feeling of regret eat me alive. Like it always does but I seem to never learn from it anyways so wth, maybe I should not regret. -_- Yeah right. No matter what, the feeling of regret will always, always appear. =(

I'm not looking forward to my FER. But I'm anxious to know it too. *sigh* Should not last minute. Gah! Waaaaahhh why I always procrastinate one??!? Especially in studies!! Bad, Amanda. BAD!

~ end of ranting. ~