For What It's Worth

Today I went to Lions Nursing Home. Organized by CPA Club.

The experience I had there is beyond words. I visited another Old Folks Home before called Home of Peace. But the experience I had there was really different compared to what I experienced at the Lions Home.

The first thing I did was the usual thing that Volunteers do. Cleaning up and etc. This needs no further explanation.

The thing that had a huge impact on me the most is the feeding the Grandma moments and pushing the wheelchair moments. I've been having flashbacks on what I did today. This will be my very honest feelings so please excuse me if you find anything I say offensive or heartless. I also must remind you that I am no angel.

When I fed the Grandma today, which is kolok mee by the way, I remembered thinking "oh dear, so hard to cut this noodle. And why not I get to feed rice or something?" And then I got annoyed and incredibly angry with myself.

My good side went "What on earth are you thinking?! How can you be so utterly heartless, Amanda?! Have you no feelings? Do you have any idea what it's like to be in the Grandma's shoes? To be so helpless and frustrated because you want to do things yourself but can't cos you have to depend on others. "

I am a selfish person. No doubt about that. It's a good thing I have my conscience to remind myself why am I doing this. It's for Charity and to show them our love.

I also remember getting super frustrated because I can't understand what the Grandma is talking about. I end up answering yes to everything the Grandma says. Gosh! T_____T What if I said yes to something negative she said about herself? :( HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?!

I'm supposed to feel good after doing this Charity work but for some reasons, I feel guilty. My selfish side is damn shameful and 100% incredibly spiteful! Being human is stupid sometimes. Seriously!

I saw the others going outside since the other grandmas don't need help feeding them. After I finished feeding the first grandma, I tried talking to her. I offered to bring her more water since she finished hers quite fast. I couldn't leave the Grandma No.1 so I stayed back and tried to talk to her again despite the fact that I barely understand what is she saying. :(

The second grandma, I didn't finish feeding her because the bus came and I have to go home. I remembered seeing one of my friends who haven't finish feeding one of the Grandma and continued on feeding her. She didn't mind staying back to feed her and follow other CPA member back. I salute her. I really do. I didn't do that. I walked away instead. And that is one of the shameful things that I did. I wished now that I continued on feeding her but of course, it's too late. I walked away because I really needed to go to the toilet badly and there, as you can see, once again, the selfish me. It's a downright embarassing and deceitful act.

It's all in the past now. What has happened today. What I did today. I wish I could turn back time. To change all things that needs to be changed. To help the grandmas and grandpas as much as I can.

There is one thing that I really enjoyed doing though. The singing and trying to cheer up the grandmas and grandpas. I was really happy to see that one of the grandma smiling widely at us as we sing. :D

Oh yea, one of the grandma is a Roman Catholic and she started singing one of our church songs and halfway through her singing, she started crying. It was depressing yet truly saddening to see her in that way. And she mentioned something about dying. I had no idea how to react. I was speechless. I remembered hating her children though. But perhaps I shouldn't really blame them. I need not be so judgemental.

Nevertheless, despite all of this, I think this was a very meaningful experience for me. From now on, I'm going to learn to be more selfless, to be more considerate of others. I hope I get another chance to go to the Nursing Home again. I want to do things correctly next time. I will even dance for them to cheer them up. I don't care how stupid I will look.

For what it's worth, I sincerely hope that I will be given the chance again to be able to give the Grandma and Grandpas all the love and care in this world.

Quick Update

One more paper to sit for. Super scared cos it's super tough! T_T

Things always happens unexpectedly. The paper that I'm least worried about happens to be the paper that I'm most worried about now. :(

I'm extremely sad cos no. 1. I didn't study that hard for that test cos I didn't have enough time. (three days in a row!) 2. I sat so near the exit that everytime people went in and out of the exam hall(to go to the toilet and god knows what else they're doing), it's BLOODY distracting ok! 3. The examiner is super stupid, brainless and etc cos know that people sitting for exam still talk talk there and laugh WTH! utter stupidity! 4. The paper is SUPER hard. 5. I realised that I made a whole lot of stupid mistakes cos lack of concentration. 6. It's supposed to be my easiest paper but it's the worst one so far. 7. These may all seems like excuses but trust me, these are very valid excuses.

Ok *breath in breath out* Let all of this pass. T_T God I hope I pass, I pray that I pass! Please please please let me pass! I know I asked for Distinction but now, I just hope for a pass.

End. Time to study. haih last paper just have to have to fall on the last day of the exams, 17th Dec. Nevermind, I shall be grateful for the extra time that I have.

Done!

Finally finished my finals.

The last one was so hard. FIS some more. Haih. I really sincerely had tried my best. No kidding. I practically squeezed all the juice out of my brain for that Exam. Pray hard that I will pass. I am very very SCARED. T_______________T

Ok, actually I don't really have the mood to write here but I just felt like it needs a bit of updating after so long. Next time when I grow old, I'll come back to this blog and see how much I've suffered, wts. OK that was a very stupid idea.

I'm very sleepy to tell you the truth. :( but now I'm waiting for Sally to finish her exams only then I can go back. So I'll just wait.

I am very sad. and Angry. Not at the lecturer but myself. =/ I am expecting and aiming for a Distinction but for now, even a PASS i'll be truly, truly grateful. I really worked hard for it. I will pray hard that I will pass it... I'm hoping for a miracle now.

Breakdown

I don't think I will update my blog that often anymore until my coming semester's finals are over.

It's time to get serious. This time, i mean it.

I have enough of myself. Enough of failure. Enough of feeling the aftermath of failure. ENOUGH!

So as much as I love writing here, I have to decrease updating my blog.

The failure this time, is the final straw. I am truly disappointed in myself. Words cannot even describe how sad and angry I am at myself at this moment.

two-o-one-o

Resolutions for 2010

1. Learn how to drive
2. Teach myself how to love accounting -seems highly impossible but I will try not to hate it
3. Not to go to lousy New Year Eve's Party this year. Last year's one was horrendous! Awful singing and lame entertainment -The organiser got someone to dress up as Tarzan & Jane and Oh gosh just thinking about it makes me feel queasy. argh! And no, I didnt take any pictures of them cos it's not worth the space in my camera phone. I'm so glad I didn't stay till midnight! I couldn't stand the extremely awful entertainment that I had to go and stand outside on my own. Yes, that is how horrible it was. No, I will NOT say that at least the organiser tried to make it more entertaining cos seriously, it WASN'T. Food was oh so YUCK! (I'm not being picky. Trust me, the food was the worst food I've EVER tasted and the worst part of it all is that it costs my dad RM500, wth! [ok this one not really a resolution but oh well, it's a resolution to me. hehe.]
4. Learn how to use my make up properly - learn how to use eyeshadow.
   
5. Pray More, Play Less
6. Try to have slimmer hips
7. Train Roxy and Max how to sit, shake hand, stay and stand.

Roxy & Max
-with their puppy dog eyes aww x)

For now these are all of it. I can't seem to think of any more at the moment. :S

Oh more pictures coming later. I'm too lazy to upload them also. lol. I want to play Farmville! :S I'm addicted to another facebook game T_T see what boredom does to a person *sighs*

Just quit calling already!

The other day I got this phone call from a guy. I have no idea who he is.

Then the next thing I knew, he start to sms me in Mandarin. And of course I have no idea what is he writing. Then after that he called me. I told him I don't know how to speak Mandarin and my Mandarin is very bad. He said " Ahya, Nevermind. Just cincai say also can.." =_=" He then proceed to ask a bunch of ridiculous questions like do you have boyfriend lah, how old are you lah.

I replied "No, I don't have a boyfriend. Cos I need to concentrate on my studies first and I have no time for such thing." I was hinting I'm not interested already. The main reason I'm saying that is because for one thing he is a complete stranger.

Then he asked me where I stay in Kuching. ( He's from Kuching) I don't want to answer but he's keep persuading me to say where I live and why I don't want to tell. I got annoyed and retorted " Uh... I don't know who are you. What for I want to tell you where I stay???"

I was curious where he get my number from so I asked him. He replied "Oh I was calling my friend but I end up with your number lor" I went "o_O oh ok"

So okay. Nevermind about that. I did one extremely stupid thing. There's this one time that he called me again and I rejected his phone call. I really don't want to answer his phone calls anymore. But then he kept calling and then.... I stupidly and accidentally called him back. The thing is I had no idea it was me who called him back. I thought it was him who called! No, I'm not kidding. I really am that blur. And that time I was talking to Mum so I was distracted too. Haih. So i "answered the phone call" and proceed to tell him off but I got nervous and ended up being friendly! T__T Which also reminds me that I wasted RM1 something of my credit. I rather use that money to call my BFFs or my sister in the UK.

*sigh* It all happened since Tuesday, I think. So anyways, I always reject his phone call ever since. The problem is.. he still calls me. Today I think he called 3 or 4 times. I rejected two of his phone calls. His first two phone calls I didn't hear cause I was having my dinner. He just called me few minutes ago. At 11 something. =_= And i reject those phone calls again.

I think he's getting the wrong idea because first of all, I did call him back. But NOT because I wanted to!! I accidentally call him back. Perhaps I should tell him that the next time he calls. >:( Argh!! Why did I do stupid things like that in the first place??

Now all I want and wish is for him to STOP CALLING!! ARGHHHH!! So frustrating got people like this ok..

Annoyed!

Today I donated RM1 (yes, yes. I know it's not much but i'm giving how much I can donate that time.) to an elderly looking man. FYI, I'm not showing off that I donated ok. There's a reason why I'm writing about this. Read on and find out.

So, anyways... I was feeling nice that I did a little bit of Charity to an elderly person.

Next thing I know, the elderly man went into a coffee shop and bought a packet of CIGARETTE!! CIGARETTE!!?! what?! O__O O-kay. What is wrong with the whole picture here??? =__= Oh btw, just in case you're wondering, my RM1 didn't exactly contributed to that packet of Cigars that he bought. Cos some kind person gave him RM10.

It's a good thing that he's an elderly man. Cos otherwise, I would be super pissed already. I admit that I was pissed but, I was more towards feeling disappointed in him. =/ I know my RM1 isn't much but, come on, spend that whole RM11 on your medical bills or something. Instead of spending it on something that is life-threatening! Eg: Smoking. Actually, come to think of it, the elderly man don't look very ill, he just look so pitiful. He just had a couple of plasters sticked on his upper arm. I know, i know.. I don't know why I'm so gullible either. But I can't stand looking at people like that sometimes. They really look so pitiful. =(

Even so, why do I feel like I've been ripped off? Even though it's just RM1. Haih. Lesson learnt, the hard and hurtful way.

If you've known me well enough, I'm a true hater of cigarette smoke or any kind of smoke for that matter
( i loathe open burning too -_-)

So if you're a cigarette smoker, I would advise you to stay far away from me if you want to smoke k? *big smile*

A compilation of blog posts :X

*this will probably be the longest post I've ever written so far on blogspot*

4 June 2009

First I will start with a happy note.

We went to Kado for dinner today. :D Super great food. [the food was SO good that we went there again the next day again(5 June). lol.] Lovely decor.

Things to try there:
the spaghetti bolognaise(if you like something sweet that is) - whether is beef or chicken you want with your spaghetti you can take your pick. =) Costs about RM 6.90? Not sure.

Carbonara spaghetti - Contains cheese, prawns(avoid this dish if you're allergic to prawns), itty-bitty slices of scallop and crab sticks shredded to thin slices(i don't like crab sticks -_- tastes... fake. ) Price: RM 8.50 I ordered this. :)

The Steaks - So many different types. You have to go and see what type of steaks they have there. I like the lamb chop. Tasted it from Celez. A bit too hard but can eat one la.

Something rather annoying happened there. Guy & GF and group of Girlfriends at Kado. Guy smokes cigarrette like nobody's business. Saw that we were annoyed with the cigarette smoking behaviour. Decided to do something very stupid. Pretended to put hands around gf's shoulder but actually wanted to make the cigarette smoke go towards our table more. (cheh! think I so stupid meh? dono what u trying to do ar? -_-) Girl stops BF. Guess what happened.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
She took the cigarette from her bf, did something to the cigarette which made the cigarette smoke 'float' more towards our table!! WTH!!!? %$#%$#%@#@!$#@$@! UGH!! Despicable behaviour! SHIT TO THEM! GAH! Hate hate hate hate!! (ok actually i cursed them even worse in the car on the day this incident happened but I don't think it's nice to write it here >_<)

Haih... Kado is such a nice place to hang out. Too bad the place allows people to smoke. T_T Found out that there is a non-smoking area! okay, we didn't know that. Only found out on 5 June. )

Ok and another thing. In the months in Swinburne Uni, I never fell down before. But on this 'lovely' day, I did. I slipped and fell on my butt. Hard. Hurts like crazy. T_T Felt humiliated but I just laugh it off. That way, the humiliation will fade away slowly. Got people see some more :'( I blame it on the extremely slippery soles of my new shoes. =_= and also that slippery slanting, urm.. floor? that is on the way to the library. Stupid.

5 June '09

I had Chicken Burger(?) at Kado. Don't really remember the name of the burger. lol.

Mushroom soup. yummy~ =)

6 June '09

I had Desserts Ice-cream for the first time! Super yummy! Two flavours - Snickers + D. Toblerone Choc.

Smelled the paperback books in the middle of MPH Bookstore with Celest! LOL. Utter gila-ness I tell you! HAHAHAHAHA... the silly things we do huh, Celest? :PPPP But seriously, those books smell great! =)))) heaven. I love the smell of the books in the bookstore, don't you? ;)

13 June '09

After Corpus Christi Procession =) (Pictures taken by Casper)

Our "floating" candles *_* pretty~~

Some time during exam period

We had McD for dinner. McD Delivery - So convenient. Cos everyone got exams nobody feel like going out. But sometimes the McD delivery takes so long -_-

Update on my final exams:

BIS - Objective was ok. Subjective part - Damn hard. I know I could've done better if I studied earlier haih. *regrets*
FIS - It will take a miracle to pass this subject. Sad. Should have studied earlier. *regrets* I disappoint myself. The 3 hours of FIS test was like hell. Sitting there and wishing I studied harder for it. Next semester I probably won't online that often. More bad news: Re-sit for FIS for Accounting Major students is highly impossible. *I hate facebook. EVIL! EVIL!!!*
O & M - I could have done better too if I studied earlier. Objective damn hard also. So very confusing. Essay - I prepared what I want to write so this part was alright.
Law in Global Business - I did the best I could. I just hope.. haih. Can pass also. I did all the question though. Once again I could have done better if I studied earlier. *regrets*

Moral of the story: Sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tidak berguna. ( If I'm still in high school can get marks for writing this in BM essay. Oh I miss high school. But mostly I only miss the time in high school when I was in Form 3. Form 4 to Upper Six wasn't much fun. >_<)

It is the end of all the major final exams but I still feel like.. haih. Tired. Really sien and tired.

Done. Next Posts, Birthday Dedications: My sister's Birthday and Sally's Birthday. wah... so many things to blog about. lol.

I have Height Issues

I'll just get to the point. My height is about 143cm. That's super duper short for a 21 year old. So anyways, I don't like being short because I have my reasons so please respect the fact that we as humans sometimes have some part of our body that we dislike and it's not that we blame God for it and I for one certainly would never, ever blame God for it. I think my body just didn't have sufficient nutrition that I needed like say, Protein when I was little because of certain personal health reasons and that is I can't consume too much Protein at one go. Right so anyways, sometimes when I'm bored and I've got nothing to do a.k.a. chiak pa eng I will remember little bits and pieces of my life. Either it's something that makes me feel happy, sad or angry.

I'm going to share with you some experiences that I had in Uni about this Height Issues thingy. It actually happened to me twice at the same place some more -___- Anyways, I was in the lift crowded with so many tall Uni students and there's this tall guy in the lift ( actually he's not so tall. He's so short for a guy. OK actually no, he's tall but whatever la, that's not the point and ok, I admit i'm still pissed at him and I don't remember how he looks like though. Thank God cos if I do, I will feel like slapping him every time I see him) So anyways, he was with his other friends, girls and guys I think, in the lift. He was actually snickering at my height in mandarin. =_= WTH?! Think I don't understand is it... Stupid. I'm chinese, you bloody bastard! I was seriously pissed at him but I just kept quiet. Thinking about it again, I think I should have said this to him:

" Oh hello. I didn't see you there. Gosh, you're awfully short for a guy. I think you better look in the mirror first before you sneer and laugh at others height."And then just for an added effect, I'll call him stupid in mandarin. But sadly I didn't exactly did that. I wished I stood up for myself there and then but sometimes, we just have to be patient.

Another time was when I went back to Uni for my accounting re-sit. I was going up to KN 8.13 in the lift which was seriously crowded. And this time, kena laughed by girls. GIRLS!!?!?! Gosh! And here I thought girls should be more polite. Some more they laugh loudly. Double WTH! =__= Well, ok I'm not exactly sure they were laughing at me cos throughout that horrible ordeal I just hung my head in total embarrassment. But I'm 80% sure there were laughing at me. And that's cos they are tall also. haih. There really are some stupid and brainless people in the world. And that time I was in no mood to snap at people either cos I was feeling really sick & tired & nervous about the accounting re-sit.

Those were the bad memories of being short that I can remember in Uni.

Oh and there's this sort of good and bad memory about being short too. I was trying to reach this bottle of drinking water at the cafeteria before going to the Accounting re-sit and I really don't know why on earth they have to put the drinking water up so high. =_= sien. I was really thirsty that time that I don't care that the fact that I can feel people's eyes on me while i tried to reach for bottle of the drinking water. So anyways, a really nice guy who was sitting at the table nearby obviously saw my stupid attempt of reaching the drinking water, and he came over to take one for me. I gave him a really grateful smile and thanked him. So in a way, the bad memory is that I embarrassed myself by doing silly thing like that and good memory is that a good person helped me. AWww.. so nice. =D Oh and the guy wasn't that tall but moderately tall and no, I'm not teasing his height but my point is, he has a good heart and that guy in the lift and those girls should learn from him and that height isn't everything. Important thing is that you must have good heart.

I have some perks about being short though. Like for example, I get cheaper prices when going for buffet at hotels or restaurants. They tend to think I'm a still a kid. :P hahaha.. What else.. Oh yea. People tend to think that my brother is the older one. *coughs* I look young don't I? :P Oh I'm just talking crap, actually i know they just judge people's age by looking at our height but whatever I'm just trying to add something to 'list-of-perks-about-being-short'. Oh also, short also means I'm cute. :) I know I'm not pretty but I know that I don't have to try hard to act cute/be cute cos I know I'm cute already cos of my height. lol. I'm so silly -_-||| Urm, so far these are the only perks that I know of. Next time I hope I can add some more to the list. hehe.

Important note: I don't hate tall people ok? In fact, I like to see and admire tall people. Hey,even my best friends are tall! I just don't like tall people who like to sneer at short people. Oh and I guess I wouldn't mind you teasing me about my height if I know you well enough. Unless you're a total stranger to me then.. dum dum dum~~

Ok, time to play Pet Society now. :D

-_______________________- drat. Pet Society under maintenance. pfft!