Friendship

Hello blog.

I know I haven't been blogging lately. I just completed my winter semester. It has been, horribly, incredibly exhausting! My health has its ups and downs. Right now, I just hope everything will be fine. That's all I'm praying hard for. And for my results as well.

Anyways, there's a purpose why I'm writing. No. 1 cos I haven't been writing for since, wow, I can't even remember when I updated my blog. My gosh, has it been that long? o.o And No. 2, cos of friendship.

I have always valued friendship (and my family but that's another story. Now I shall talk about frienship first). I say things that I don't mean when I'm tired and because of this, it caused my friend to be hurt. (you know who you are and I'm sorry for it) She forgived me but I know she is still hurt. I know how sad and disappointed she is so I'm going to give her some time to cool down.

I never meant to do the things that I do. I appreciate my friends even though I never say it out loud. I appreciate the people around me even though I don't say it out. I just don't know how to express it. Perhaps growing up with a family where expressions of love and affection were rarely shown, has taught me to be "overly-defensive/highly egoistic" or "a cold person". I don't mean to say that my family don't show affections and etc, it's just that they show it in a different way, or indirectly that is.

It has left me with no idea how to show affections and gratitude. Which is why the way I show it, is through writing. I admit. I'm better at writing out my true feelings than saying them out. It takes a whole lot of courage for me to say how I feel.

To the friend (you know who you are and if you do read this post - to protect your privacy, I shall not name any names.) and all my other friends who reads this post, I want to make a public apology if I've said anything that hurt your feelings. Being human, I have my flaws and I hope I won't repeat the things that I did.

"It takes a friend to understand a friend." You may go, huh? what? Well, don't be like that. Because if you really get the meaning/this message of my phrase, that means you have a good/best friend around you.

I also want to emphasize that although I've hurt a lot of people around me, my actions are sincere. What I do, I do with my heart. I put effort and even if I'm tired, I would not trade another day for the things I do for both my friends and my family. =)

And finally, thank you. Thank you for being a great friend.

In a blink of an eye

In a blink of an eye, time pasts faster than we know it, faster than we want it to.

In a blink of an eye, we are sucked into the adult world.

In a blink of an eye, we worry about our future, what will become of us, what will happen.

In a blink of an eye, we realised our parents are getting older and it's time for us to act and be more grown up than before.

In a blink of an eye, a lot of things happen around me and makes me wonder why it happens. Yet, it makes all the changes in me. It has in fact, made me stronger. I need to be stronger to take care of my parents, to take care of my brother.

In a blink of an eye, I would graduate soon and see what awaits in the days/months/years ahead.

In a blink of an eye, I would see the world differently than how I see it before I graduate.

In a blink of an eye, I find myself growing up and wishing it would stop because adulthood is so much more harder than I've ever imagine. I have not even finish my University Life yet I felt that I should be an adult now. And yes, albeit the fact that I AM an adult already since I've in University now.

In a blink of an eye, I would be making serious, drastic, life changing decisions.

Am I ready for these? Honestly the thoughts scares me. Every piece of my bone, every piece of my organs - I'm scared. Every single part of me.

The responsibility as a elder sister to my brother, the responsibility as a sister, the responsibility as a daughter, a responsibility as a friend and if there's a possibility, the responsibility as a girlfriend/wife - Am I ready for all these?

Am
I
ready?

Goodbyes are never easy

As we bid farewell to one of our housemate, friend and "sister", it made me realise how much time left we will have in our University.


In less than 6 months, we will go our own ways. We don't know what the future holds. It makes me so sad though I don't show it much. I really (times infinity) hope that we will still keep in contact with each other. That we will always find time for each other. It's a bit early to say this but I just want to say it anyways. haha..

Dear Chai Yung,

I hope you will get a job here in Kuching. I pray hard that you will get a job in Ernst and Young. You've been a wonderful helpful, cute, great listener and sweet friend. I'm so glad to have met you and I really hope to see you again.

Those pics you upload in facebook make me emo! T_T boo!!

I want to write more but I am so emo now I cannot write.. lol. sounds like I'm exaggerating but really, I'm not. =/

ok, to be continued...

I wait for Pam's picture then I update more.

Until then, toodles!

********UPDATED********

Just a few random pics. Some things we do before Chai Yung return to Sibu.

We went to damai. Pics are quite limited because they are all from my handphone. :P

Was bored waiting for them kayaking. lol.


It was so HOT! so hide under umbrella while waiting for them. :P
It's a rule for me. Camwhore only when I'm bored. and thus this pic.

And dinner at Kampung Buntal. Best seafood and cheap too! :D



Played the "basketball game" at Hock Lee. (No pictures for this cos we were too busy playing. lol)

Put your hands up and wave it like u just don't care!

I am finally freeeeee from exams! :D

Breathe in the 'feeling' of freedom

Sorry to all to all those who are still having your exams, I really need to write this post! I wish you all the best and don't lose your motivation to study. If there's some time left to study, just make full use of your time.

It has been, by far, the most hectic weeks of my University Life. Accounting Theory is all about reading, reading and more reading. If you're going to take Accounting Theory next semester, please take my advice to study from the begining of the semester to avoid rushing and stressing out at the end of the semester.

My lovely companion during exam period. :)
Sorry though, I shall not be needing you till winter semester.

I've never work so hard for any of my exams ever! Barely had enough sleep. Was so scared I'm going to fail T___T I even stayed up till 6am ok! (Effect of Ginseng Coffee) That was how scared I was.

Overall, I'm quite pleased with 2 of my final papers but not so pleased for my first paper. I believe that I will pass all my subjects this semester. I must put all my faith and trust in God. Amen :)

I have a whole lot of things to do. So far the start of freedom began with a nice, good long four hours of sleep. lol. And then Monopoly at night! :D


All thanks to Steph. It's quite a nice game but I get bored with it easily. :S It's just me. Seriously not quite a business student at all. boo!

Ok back to Uni Talk. I can't believe that I'm reaching the end of my 3 years of study. Some of my friends are going to graduate soon. To all those who are in your final semester, I know I'll miss all of you and I know it's a bit fast for me to say this since some of you haven't even sit for any of my finals paper yet! Iol. Chai Yung, I'll miss our laughing and crying, me and you emo-ing together and I really hope you'll get a job here in Kuching. :( I suddenly realise how time flies when you're going to graduate.

All of a sudden, I don't want my University Life to end!! I used to say I can't wait to graduate but seriously, now I wish I have more time. From now on, I should cherish every single, happy and sufferings altogether moments of my University Life. Oh gosh I feel so sadddddddd!! Just one and half more semester more to go! (Including Winter Semester)

I guess this post is a mixture of sadness and happy-ness.

Okay I'm don't know what else to blog about. So I'm off to do the things I've been refraining myself to do - watch WongFu Productions videos! And Mall World! hahaha Maureen, wait for me yea.. So many new stuff already.Tatas for now! =)

Untitled

I'm actually very sleepy so that's why I can't be bothered to think of a blog title, thus the lame and obvious name of this post.

The worst thing about Insomnia is that it affects your studies and just imagine how ironic it is since your studies itself is the one that causes Insomnia. :(

When I have worries, I can't sleep.

I'm worried I can't pass Corporate Accounting. I don't want to experience the bad experience that I had with Financial Information System. No more repeating and failing.

I will pass
I will pass!
I can do this!
I shall NOT fail!
I shall NOT think negative!
I must not let my own stupid, senseless negative thoughts bring me down!
NO MORE FAILING!
NO MATTER HOW HARD IS THIS STUPID COURSE (I'M CURSING NOW COS I'M SO FED UP), I WILL GET THROUGH IT!!

I'm just really tired of failing and I feel so stressed out and depressed whenever I think of it :(((

haih, better go try and go to sleep now. It's 2.30am and I've got to wake up at 7am. Nites.

Acceptance

I've finally accepted The Ugly Fact that I failed. Again.

Well, no point feeling sorry for myself now. I must gain all the courage I have left and pull up my stockings.

This post is dedicated to all of you who've helped me through this most difficult moments of my life. My friends and my family =D You all are the best! You know who you are =))) Thanks so much! Without you all, I don't think I could have pulled through. It was definitely one of the worst time of my life. LOVE you all!

Pic taken from DeviantArt =) Credits goes to this person! love this pic! :D
Got clouds! My fav!

Good news is I feel I've returned to my normal self. I actually thought I will never smile again, I will never laugh again, I'll be super serious Amanda until you all won't even recognize who's standing in front of you. >_< yes, that was how horrible the results were to me. Thank God I'm not turning into that person.

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Ok, some random pics that I found in my handphone!

Steph, Carol and Sally. Not exactly candid as you can see =P

That time we just finish our Karaoke session at K-box. Wondering why are they dressed up like that? lol that's because we all just finished playing Badminton and went straight to K-box. Crazy much? Well, exams does that to us. :)

My cousin's baby, Baby Bernita? wah i just realised i dono how to spell her name T_T

my own baby! =D drat this pic cant see her new pretty pink necklace.
"I'm so shy" mewmew blushed as she meowed those words.

She actually look damn annoyed in this pic. I forced her to take pic when she want to sleep. Cos i want to take pic of her in her pretty pink necklace. She refused to look at the camera. Ungrateful baby! Tomorrow no need to eat! *fake angry face at mewmew*


Urm not-so-nice pic of myself in some toilet.

I loved my lashes that day so I actually camwhored with it. -.-" I think it was 175 degree's toilet lol. I don't want to rotate it cos I don't think it's a good pic of me. That way you all won't really see properly how funny i look. :P

aww.. cute rite? I think it was some doodle on some seating place at Bukit Aup. So obvious this pic super old already. I think it was taken in 2007/2008 cos that was the last time I went to Bukit Aup.

lol I think Diana ask me to take this pic cos of the words 'Super Chien'

Oh look at those pretty lights! Huge popcorn symbolises the MBO cinemas. :)

Okies, no more pics. Luckily. Cos it's getting late. Time for bed! Nite nite all!

Breakdown

I don't think I will update my blog that often anymore until my coming semester's finals are over.

It's time to get serious. This time, i mean it.

I have enough of myself. Enough of failure. Enough of feeling the aftermath of failure. ENOUGH!

So as much as I love writing here, I have to decrease updating my blog.

The failure this time, is the final straw. I am truly disappointed in myself. Words cannot even describe how sad and angry I am at myself at this moment.

Emotional Roller Coaster Ride

I haven't played Facebook for 2 days now.

I can't say it's because I can stand the temptation of not going to Facebook. That's because I'd be lying if I said so. The truth is - I asked my friend to block my Facebook so that I can't enter Facebook. Yeap. I really did that.

I must say, it helps me a lot. I get things done faster. No more procrastinating. Which is officially my middle name. Cos I've been procrastinating a lot lately =(

I think I'm suffering from mood swings too. I can be happy and joyful first and dull and sad the next moment. This is not very like me and I hate being like this. Perhaps it's the effect that the final exams is just around the corner. Or perhaps I'm just suddenly getting tired of life again. (It happens quite often but the feeling will fade away.)

Today at library, we had a 'situation'. Pam and I thought there's gas leaking in the Uni's library. *paronoid :x* And so we informed the Librarians. Turns out, it's just rubbish that some idiot didn't throw. Ew!! =_= But anyways, put that aside, I remembered thinking, what if the library were to explode, what if I actually died there and then *choi choi touch wood*, what are the things I would regret not having to do? I kept telling myself, I'm too young to die, I'm too young to die. There are many things in life that I have not tried yet. Eg: Right now I'm obsessed with make up but I can only buy a few at a time :( I also want to travel the world. I want to go to Paris, UK and argh basically, anywhere around the world. In other words, I want to go to places! :D I'm already 21 and actually that's not a young age anymore (no offence to those who are older than 21 >_< ) Oh Oh! and I also want to go bungee jumping. ( even though I think when I'm really at that place I'll probably end up shaking all over and run away T_T)

*sigh* Sometimes all it takes is something uh... unexpected(?) to make you reflect about your life. This rather weird 'situation' triggered something in my mind and that is I should just enjoy life to the fullest. But, alas, right now, I don't feel like enjoying. I feel like curling up in a ball at the corner. Of course, I wouldn't really do that. It's something I tend to imagine myself doing every time I feel depressed or anything.

ANYWAYS..... enough writing nonsense. This is actually my first time writing like this for everyone to see. Usually I keep posts like this in a secret place.

This might probably will be my last post till final exams is over. Or maybe I will update again. I don't want people coming back here to check my blog and see Emo post here. -_-

Bye bye and I'm off to arange all my notes so I can study.

*Alarmed Look*

I just realised something.

In 6 days (yes, 6 days. It's actually already 17 July now.), I will face my Final Exams Results ( It'll be out on 22 July). *gulps*

T__________________________________T

I'm thinking negatively about my results now. And I hate that. I want to feel confident about how I did in my exams but I can't. I simply can't.

What if i fail 2 modules?! I think... I will cry non-stop that day. Trust me, I will. And then I will proceed to hate myself even more and then let the feeling of regret eat me alive. Like it always does but I seem to never learn from it anyways so wth, maybe I should not regret. -_- Yeah right. No matter what, the feeling of regret will always, always appear. =(

I'm not looking forward to my FER. But I'm anxious to know it too. *sigh* Should not last minute. Gah! Waaaaahhh why I always procrastinate one??!? Especially in studies!! Bad, Amanda. BAD!

~ end of ranting. ~

A compilation of blog posts :X

*this will probably be the longest post I've ever written so far on blogspot*

4 June 2009

First I will start with a happy note.

We went to Kado for dinner today. :D Super great food. [the food was SO good that we went there again the next day again(5 June). lol.] Lovely decor.

Things to try there:
the spaghetti bolognaise(if you like something sweet that is) - whether is beef or chicken you want with your spaghetti you can take your pick. =) Costs about RM 6.90? Not sure.

Carbonara spaghetti - Contains cheese, prawns(avoid this dish if you're allergic to prawns), itty-bitty slices of scallop and crab sticks shredded to thin slices(i don't like crab sticks -_- tastes... fake. ) Price: RM 8.50 I ordered this. :)

The Steaks - So many different types. You have to go and see what type of steaks they have there. I like the lamb chop. Tasted it from Celez. A bit too hard but can eat one la.

Something rather annoying happened there. Guy & GF and group of Girlfriends at Kado. Guy smokes cigarrette like nobody's business. Saw that we were annoyed with the cigarette smoking behaviour. Decided to do something very stupid. Pretended to put hands around gf's shoulder but actually wanted to make the cigarette smoke go towards our table more. (cheh! think I so stupid meh? dono what u trying to do ar? -_-) Girl stops BF. Guess what happened.
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She took the cigarette from her bf, did something to the cigarette which made the cigarette smoke 'float' more towards our table!! WTH!!!? %$#%$#%@#@!$#@$@! UGH!! Despicable behaviour! SHIT TO THEM! GAH! Hate hate hate hate!! (ok actually i cursed them even worse in the car on the day this incident happened but I don't think it's nice to write it here >_<)

Haih... Kado is such a nice place to hang out. Too bad the place allows people to smoke. T_T Found out that there is a non-smoking area! okay, we didn't know that. Only found out on 5 June. )

Ok and another thing. In the months in Swinburne Uni, I never fell down before. But on this 'lovely' day, I did. I slipped and fell on my butt. Hard. Hurts like crazy. T_T Felt humiliated but I just laugh it off. That way, the humiliation will fade away slowly. Got people see some more :'( I blame it on the extremely slippery soles of my new shoes. =_= and also that slippery slanting, urm.. floor? that is on the way to the library. Stupid.

5 June '09

I had Chicken Burger(?) at Kado. Don't really remember the name of the burger. lol.

Mushroom soup. yummy~ =)

6 June '09

I had Desserts Ice-cream for the first time! Super yummy! Two flavours - Snickers + D. Toblerone Choc.

Smelled the paperback books in the middle of MPH Bookstore with Celest! LOL. Utter gila-ness I tell you! HAHAHAHAHA... the silly things we do huh, Celest? :PPPP But seriously, those books smell great! =)))) heaven. I love the smell of the books in the bookstore, don't you? ;)

13 June '09

After Corpus Christi Procession =) (Pictures taken by Casper)

Our "floating" candles *_* pretty~~

Some time during exam period

We had McD for dinner. McD Delivery - So convenient. Cos everyone got exams nobody feel like going out. But sometimes the McD delivery takes so long -_-

Update on my final exams:

BIS - Objective was ok. Subjective part - Damn hard. I know I could've done better if I studied earlier haih. *regrets*
FIS - It will take a miracle to pass this subject. Sad. Should have studied earlier. *regrets* I disappoint myself. The 3 hours of FIS test was like hell. Sitting there and wishing I studied harder for it. Next semester I probably won't online that often. More bad news: Re-sit for FIS for Accounting Major students is highly impossible. *I hate facebook. EVIL! EVIL!!!*
O & M - I could have done better too if I studied earlier. Objective damn hard also. So very confusing. Essay - I prepared what I want to write so this part was alright.
Law in Global Business - I did the best I could. I just hope.. haih. Can pass also. I did all the question though. Once again I could have done better if I studied earlier. *regrets*

Moral of the story: Sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tidak berguna. ( If I'm still in high school can get marks for writing this in BM essay. Oh I miss high school. But mostly I only miss the time in high school when I was in Form 3. Form 4 to Upper Six wasn't much fun. >_<)

It is the end of all the major final exams but I still feel like.. haih. Tired. Really sien and tired.

Done. Next Posts, Birthday Dedications: My sister's Birthday and Sally's Birthday. wah... so many things to blog about. lol.